The Best Thing Ever
by TakeMeByTheBlock
Summary: The SeieS news team interview a very peculiar man.


While the SeieS Team was researching the "Black Bombing of Bahrain," we discovered an incredibly bizarre and strange submission. It came from a young kid named Chris, and his claim was that he had an infinitely long penis. We were so enticed with Chris's statement that we abruptly ceased our research on the 'BBB' and instantly phoned Chris, and inquired him for an interview.

Interviewer: Can you tell us a little about yourself?

Christopher: My name is Christopher, I'm 16 years old, I was born in ****** (Censored for privacy sake), and my cock has an infinite length.

Interviewer: Sorry for asking, and if it's a little too personal, you can say so, but, do you have a name for your majestic penis?

Christopher: Oh, of course! His name is the Sexagon, because he has sex a-lot.

Interviewer: Chris, how large are your testicles? Are they like normal size, or are they a similar size to your penis?

Christopher: I haven't checked in a while, but I'm pretty sure they're average sized.

Interviewer: So, how is your penis that long, like, how does it go into space without going through your pants? I, I just don't understand.

Christopher: Oh, oh, so there is a wormhole between my legs, where the dick is, teleporting it to a completely alternate universe.

Interviewer: How long has this wormhole been there?

Christopher: Oh, it's been there since I was born!

Interviewer: So, when you exited your mother's vagina and entered the world, your wormhole was there?

Christopher: Yes, but it's basically invisible.

Interviewer: May I see it... for science of course?

Christopher: *backing away* Uhh.. No. That's gay.

Interviewer: That's fine, my socks are on.

Christopher: But even if you look at it, your eyes will be incinerated because of the wormhole.

Interviewer: Even just direct contact at it will cause my eyes to fly off?

Christopher: Yes, do not touch or even look at my wormhole.

Interviewer: Alright, alright, maybe later *ahem* so do you ever masturbate?

Christopher: No, my penis is always getting sensations from all the fucking I do.

Interviewer: Who do you have sex with?

Christopher: My penis is infinitely long, is it not? I fuck planets with my cock, millions of women get their vagina blasted by yours truly.

Interviewer: How are you giving pleasure to people on other planets, if your penis is as hard as steel?

Christopher: Oh, it's a wonderful feeling, you know? I'm sure, they enjoy me slapping myself onto them.

Interviewer: What do you mean they enjoy it? You're ramming them with a universal sized bone? How is that enjoyable?

Christopher: It just is, okay? Fuck off.

Interviewer: Okay, okay. Are you bisexual, by any chance?

Christopher: Hell no, gays are disgusting.

Interviewer: But you just said that you fuck planets..with women and men.

Christopher: Uhh, uhh, well I don't mean to, they're just in my way.

Interviewer: *Air quotes* "Sorry, I accidentally fucked trillions of men with my cock, it was a complete accident."

Christopher: They deserve the wrath of my bulging penis.

Interviewer: So, is your dingaling erect twenty-four seven or just sometimes?

Christopher: It's always erect, just like my posture. *stands up*

Interviewer: Sorry, but, your posture is absolute shite. You seriously need a doctor, anyway, how can there be enough blood to consistently spread through your infinitely sized penis.

Christopher: Blood is constantly and infinitely being generated throughout my penis.

Interviewer: How is that even possible?

At this point in the interview, we started having our doubts, but we continued through the interview, hoping for a breakthrough of ingenious science.

Christopher: I don't know. It just does!

Interviewer: Umm okay...how can you stand up with all that bulkiness when it should be weighing you down?

Christopher: As I said earlier, the wormhole teleports it into another part of the universe. For me, now, it's basically invisible.

Interviewer: So it's not there?

Christopher: It is there! It's just doing its duties in another universe!

Interviewer: How do you know all this? Like this seems completely inhuman, if you ask me.

Christopher: My penis has the ultimate knowledge and knows pretty much everything.

Interviewer: Does your penis have the knowledge to know if a alternate parallel universe exists?

Christopher: Let me hone in on it... Yes, a parallel universe does exist.

Interviewer: So, if a parallel universe does exist, why isn't there another version of yourself terrorizing us?

Christopher: *stammering* Uhh, because uhh, I don't know okay..my penis doesn't know everything!

Interviewer: You just said it did!

Christopher: I did? Umm..I don't think I.. *getting up from his chair*

Interviewer: What are you doing?

Christopher: I'm leaving this shit hole room and getting the fuck out of here. You filthy niggers don't understand and it's making me livid!

Interviewer: Listen, you piece of shit. I don't believe you for a gosh darn second. Pull down your pants now and prove to me that this fucking wormhole exists!

Christopher: It will destroy you, do you really want that to happen? *turning around*

Interviewer: *pulls down Christopher's pants* Holy... fucking... shit. *falls to the ground*

Christopher: See, that's why you don't pull down my pants. Fuck off.

Our interviewer had unfortunately perished, discovering the importances of the universe. He died for science, and for the future of humanity. Immediately after Christopher left our building, he fascinatingly flew away into the clouds, with his hands on his fly. Today, August 31st, 2018, the most breathtaking, magnificent, formidable, mind-blowing, jaw-dropping, stunning, insane, epic thing took place, and we at SeieS news network were the first to report on it.


End file.
